A Matter of Confidence

good and bad, your inner voices (white)During several coaching sessions, various coachees have raised the matter of confidence.  A couple even described themselves as quite shy.  Even though they appreciated that others were unlikely to recognise this description.  So from the outside they appear self-assured.  What they want is to feel confident.        

Does this example ring any bells?

How confident you feel is a matter of personal perception.  A form of limiting belief, completely based on your own thinking.  And it probably depends on the circumstances.  Remember most admitted that others probably didn’t perceive them as lacking in confidence.  One of the keys to the learned ‘lacking confidence’ is in understanding that it is not situations – or people – which make us feel confident or under-confident, but rather our thoughts about those situations.

What situations or people ‘make’ you feel under-confident?

No matter what happens to you in life, good or bad, it’s how you think about it, which determines what you do about it.  This in turn builds (or kills) your overall personal self-confidence.  Noticing your own internal dialogue gives you of way of finding out what you think about yourself.  So when you make a mistake and say ‘How stupid of me’, you are not only exaggerating (well it is only one stupid action at the most) but also you are affirming your ‘bad’ image to yourself.  And would you speak to others in the way you speak to yourself?

What do you say about yourself when facing situations or people that ‘make’ you feel under-confident?

In other circumstances you may feel self conscious, or just don’t feel good about yourself.  And this thinking feels real and hits your self-confidence.

So what can you do to overcome these experiences?

When you fully recognise that you are feeling your thinking AND your thinking is just that, your thinking, and not ‘the truth’, there is no more to do.

If you let your own inner doctor do what it needs to do to get you back to a healthy mindset, that is what will happen.  The moment you think you need to be ‘doing’ something about it, this reduces the capacity of your inner doctor’s resources to be effective.  Even thinking you must ‘do nothing’ can become a job that interferes!  Let your own wisdom do what it’s best at doing – supporting you to be your healthy and happy self.

I was nearly tempted to say just recognise that your thinking is not the truth and let it go, but even saying that makes the ‘letting go’ a job!  Tricky stuff, eh?!  Well, only at first.  You’ll be pleasantly surprised how naturally it happens the more you recognise the nature of your thinking.

 So how do you feel now?