Here I am, a person who knows that living my values is important to my health and happiness. YET… I’m struggling within myself to accept that, at present, I’m not attracting the clients I’d love to work with. And I do the beating-myself-up thing even though intellectually I know it really doesn’t help! And it’s not based on the whole truth!
I suspect my inner struggle is inevitably sending out invisible energy that just holds them back from making the decision to contact me – yet (that word again). It’s not the unattractive vibe of neediness – it’s more a subtle transparent yet present veil that gets in the way of true connection.
So how does this fit with one of my values ‘being true to myself’? Well I’m facing up to how I feel. And I acknowledge that I don’t have as much paid work as I’d like. However, I’m giving less focus on evidence of how good I am in my work and more on what is not working. Yes, yes, I know. You get more of what you focus on!
So what has changed today? Well, I read something about developing my story relating to my business. I’ve heard this before and had played with it. This time it shifted something inside. I realised that despite the current state of my business (and I am receiving paid work I enjoy that enables me to pay my everyday costs of living, which is easily more than a lot of people), I am happy and healthy. And most importantly I would rather be in my current state than to be earning significantly more money as a Human Resources Director of an international public company – what I did before coming self-employed.
Yes, I know, this is so obvious. I’ve even said it to people. However, it hadn’t landed as it did this morning.
And why am I writing about this? For a variety of reasons …
• To share that it’s not easy to go through the process of change, especially when you’re unsure that anything is actually taking place! And even though you want to grow.
• Even though life may not be exactly in line with your dream life, you can still be happy and healthy.
• Small foibles can have a big impact on your life. This was certainly true in this instance.
• Credible people may put forward the idea that things might be moving under the surface. And it can make sense but it doesn’t make it any easier to live with it. I mean, how long is it going to take to come to a resolution?! My ability to be patient can wane quite quickly!
• The work on a foible can be bubbling along under the surface for quite a while. Like me, you may feel ‘not right’, unsettled, occasionally emotionally shaky, but that COULD be for other reasons. To get to the other end, you have to live with the not-knowing.
• Knowing your core values and living by them as much as it humanly possible does give you strength, resilience. I know living my values supported me through the relative difficult times of that under-the-surface work – helped me remain positive and hopeful.
I’m now experiencing the happy ending! The under-the-surface work has broken through and come to light – like a small boil bursting (sorry for those of you who are squeamish!) The dis-eased stuff has been released and it can now heal – that aspect of me can now heal.
I wish you the gift of a happy ending soon to any current shaky experience you may be having.